Why bother excavating your stories and digging into the challenge of changing them? I mean, they’ve been working just fine all these years, right? After all, look at you! You’re doing great. Seriously. Your career is flourishing (despite the normal difficulties). Your relationships are generally pretty good (all relationships have struggles, don’t they?). And you’ve managed to make it through a pandemic (almost – who has covid this week?). You’re doing great! Why shake things up?
Because if you don’t take the chance to change your story, you’ll never know what you’re actually capable of achieving.
Many of my clients are initially scared of removing their own limits. What if they become so driven they forget to rest and refill their cup? What if they realize that they don’t like their friends? What if they become someone they don’t recognize? What if they let go of their anger, their judgments, their caution – does that mean they won't be able to get angry or be judgy? Will they throw caution to the wind and become reckless? Change is scary. The familiar is comfortable, even when it’s uncomfortable.
At the heart of it is you. It is your heart you’re returning to. It is your fractured pieces you’re putting back together. There’s no possibility that you will become someone unrecognizable to yourself, but there is the real opportunity you will see yourself more fully, more authentically. Fear tells you that you’ll be less. Like your brain, fear is not looking out for your best, it thinks it's helping you survive and it thrives by keeping you in survival mode. Welcoming this work can be scary but change is gradual. You will have ample opportunity to revert, should you choose. When you start to work on areas where you hold yourself back, you will begin to see how frequently you make choices that hold you back.
The choice is always yours.
So how do we begin?
Together we break down the fears, bringing logic into the picture. You will still have access to the full spectrum of emotions. You will not become a doormat or lose control of your life. But you will not have those emotions so easily triggered. You will not be at their mercy. You will still feel them, but you will learn to let them flow.
Acknowledge. Feel fully. Release.
At the same time, you’ll be welcoming more into your life. More opportunities. More possibilities. More connection. More stability. More authenticity. By recognizing your limiting beliefs and countering them with factual, historical, real life evidence to their contrary you’ll begin to expand beyond the confines of your previous story. You will find confidence where there used to be fear. You’ll find taking action easier and associated with possibilities instead of risk. Imagine what your life will be like when you step out of your own way. Imagine what your world will look like when you let go of stories you’ve embodied, stories passed down from your parents and their parents – stories you didn’t even write. Imagine having patience with yourself instead of judgment and criticism. Wouldn’t that feel good?
The best part is that once you do the work on your insides, your external reality will naturally fall in line with your revised internal stories because your stories create your reality. It’s almost like magic. Once you understand and own what’s really important to you, where you shine, and what no longer holds you back you will begin to radiate opportunity, possibility, confidence, and calm. People will want to be around you, they will want to do business with you, they will want to spend time with you, to get to know you, to discover your secret. But first you must do the work.
Another byproduct of this work is a more patient perspective when encountering others yet to do their work. It’s more clear that their reactions are about them, not you. It becomes easier to let them have their reaction, letting it slide off of you leaving you unaffected, yet compassionate. This alone is life altering. No longer will you be at the mercy of your survival stories, combating reaction with reaction, escalating but getting nowhere. You become flexible, less rigid in your thinking, more open to connections, retaining a deep, steadfast knowing of yourself.
Your life is expansive and rich.